My favorite sin

I hate my favorite sin.

It happened again yesterday.  Talking with my husband about a family member, out it comes.  Quick, smooth,cold judgement. For extra effect, I dropped the word “shitty” on top.  Not holy, not proud and yes, I did it again.

What is it inside me that desires this sin?  Pride.  It is pride that pushes me to judge quickly, pride that hopes others see how right I am, pride that wrestles inside me.  Pride that is ready to sucker punch righteousness, drop kick compassion and most of all, wants to be applauded.

One of the problems with being quick to judge, is that I usually only have partial information. When I am missing pieces, I cannot judge rightly.  Pride is sneaky, it opens the door for ignorance and together they dig a deeper hole, inflict a larger wound, making me look like a mean-spirited, self righteous hypocritical Christian, the absolute opposite of how Jesus has called me to live.

And the saddest thing is my immediate regret, knowing that I have ignored the Holy Spirit’s voice.  I can feel it, pride, rising in my spirit, banging on the door, wanting to burst out. If it were an actual dialogue, it would go something like this:

Pride: I want to say this…. (insert something judgemental or a cutting remark)

Holy Spirit: Please don’t. You will regret it.

Pride: But I am right.  And I need others to know how right I am.

Holy Spirit: Don’t. Stop. (this is usually accompanied by a feeling I get in my stomach, a clear warning)

Pride: Just this time, someone needs to say it!

Holy Spirit: Have it your way.

I do just that. I have it my way. And I hate it.